Listen up, my fellow glute-obsessed humans. If you think you can build a shelf-like situation on a diet of air and good intentions, you’re living in a fantasy land. Your bum is a muscle, and muscles don’t grow on kale smoothies alone. They need fuel. Real fuel. The kind of fuel that makes your jeans nervous and your quads jealous. Welcome to the TopBum guide to eating for assets.
Protein: The Bricks for Your Booty
If you’re not eating enough protein, you’re basically trying to build a skyscraper with toothpicks. You need the good stuff: steak, eggs, chicken, or whatever plant-based wizardry you prefer, as long as it’s packed with amino acids. Think of protein as the construction crew for your posterior. Without them, the site is just a hole in the ground. And nobody wants a hole where a hill should be.
Carbs: The Energy to Slay
Stop being afraid of carbs. Carbs are the electricity that powers the construction crew. If you’re trying to hit a PR on the hip thrust while fasted, you’re going to end up looking like a wilted lettuce leaf. You need complex carbs—sweet potatoes, oats, rice—to give you the explosive power required to mutate those glutes. A flat bum is often just a hungry bum. Feed the beast!
Fats: The Secret Sauce
Healthy fats are essential for hormone production. And hormones are the project managers of your glute mutation. Avocado, nuts, olive oil—these aren’t just ‘healthy,’ they’re tactical. They keep your joints lubricated and your skin glowing while you’re busy crushing it in the gym. Plus, they make everything taste better, which is a win in my book.
So, put down the ‘detox’ tea and pick up a fork. Building a world-class posterior requires a world-class appetite. Eat big, lift big, and watch your assets become the talk of the town. Your denim will thank you (eventually, once it stops crying).